A Deep Breath In...

a shift in the mind,
a sliding of motivation,
a tilt of the head,
a lift of the chin,
and here we go.

For the last couple of weeks, I've been dancing around a new work assignment. It was assigned, but secret; unassigned, sort of; altered multiple times; made un-secret, changed, and then made secret again. The problem I was asked to solve kept getting re-defined. And all along, I've known more than I could talk about, and that makes me uncomfortable. I prefer it when everyone knows what's going on. It is much easier to actually solve problems when everyone has all the information in hand.

For me, whenever I get a new assignment, there's always a period of time where I work out what it means to be a person who does this thing. Who do I have to be, in my head, in order to get this done? What qualities do I need to work on? How much do I already have, what do I need to build on, what do I need to build from scratch? Which skills do I have, which can I learn, and which do I need to hire? What do I think I know, that's only going to get in the way? At the same time, I'm building the picture of what the shape of the new assignment will be when it's actually mine. A vision, if you will, of the castle in the air.

This time around, the version of myself I carry in my head had to be re-written several times to accommodate all that slipperiness in the definition of the challenge. But as of today, I've talked to all the stake-holders openly about the changes that are coming. I've gathered all the visions, all the complaints, all the ideas, all the criticisms, all the hopes and dreams and nightmares that people are willing to share.

So here we go. I've hit the point where my vision of myself and the actual assignment have crystallized, and I can feel where I'm going. It's almost a physical sensation, like when blocks shift into a more stable equilibrium, with a grinding noise, and little puffs of dust fly out. Or perhaps like when you tighten your core, to accept, but not be moved by, a shove from someone trying to push you off balance. Or perhaps like when you suddenly find the rhythm of the sitting trot, and the world has a new reality, and you can't remember the way it used to be. It's all different now.

More with more.

That's where we're going. Hang on to your hats people. I'm about to go haring off into the wilderness again. Try to keep up.

p.s. For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, there have been layoffs at the University, and I've been asked to do my job, plus the jobs of at least 2.5 other people, with a fraction of the resources, and only (the equivalent of) 10 hours/week for all those other, new responsibilities. Fundamentally, I will now be in charge of more than 23 separate outreach programs, some of which touch the entire state of Utah. And those are just the ones I know about. I'm sure I don't know all of the things that are in the fruit basket I've just been handed. What fun! There could be anything in there, under the pineapple! Now is not the time for nay-saying. Now is the time to suck it up, grinning like a fiend, and get the job done. So many things in the world are this way, just now. This is just my little piece of a larger set of problems... but this... this, I can do. By the time I'm done, it will be better than it was, and nobody will be able to tear it down. Just watch me.